July 14th

The following message was written to Matthew by Mom.....

Happy 16th Birthday Matt,

This is our first birthday without you. Matthew your beautiful face is still so clear and the gentle sound of your voice still so strong in my mind. Your absences is present everywhere I go and with everything I do.

On your birthday when you were small you use to count down how many sleeps till your birthday, it wasn’t the gifts that you thought about, it was because all your friends were meeting together at McDonald’s for your birthday party and to play in the balls. As you got older it was Movie Parties at the movie theatre – giggling over who was going to seat next to the girls. Once you had out grown those there were spotlights parties at our home with piñatas and pizza. Your special day brought you enjoyment and laughter, as you would say, “Mom can you feel the butterflies flying around in your belly”. As long as you were happy – I was happy. I know this day you longed for because you were able to get your driving permit on your 16th birthday. Your collectible cars still sit on your shelf, the ones you dusted and cared for and hoped one day you’d own one just like them. For me, you were my main focus and attention everyday and didn’t need to have a special date to have a special day - all my days were special with you.

Sixteen years ago today was the happiest day of my life little did I know that today sixteen years later - would be one of the saddest day of my life. Everyday I still come home and sing out “Matt, moms’ home” in hopes of getting a reply and still hoping I’m caught up in a horrendous and terrible nightmare. Today I will do the same, sing out “Matt, Happy Birthday” and hope I wake up. I have cried everyday for the last 109 days and I know I will continue to cry until my day has come. You are mom’s baby and oh how I wish you were here. The pain and heartache is so unbearable. My words cannot express my hurt for missing you – my heart is broke and my soul is lost without you.

This year instead of blowing out 16 candles I will light 16 candles for you. Happy 16th Matthew…I love you so much! You are my own angel at my side and I know you will always be there.

Love Mom… Love You...xoxoxoxox

The following message was written to Matthew by Dad.....

Hi Bud,

Yesterday was really tough without you.  I found it so hard that I could not write anything to you.  Me and Mom came to visit you yesterday morning to lay flowers and say hi as well as to shed some more tears.  Many people visited both you and us yesterday - Poppy Brett; Nanny Bernice; Poppy Alf; Uncle Dann; Aunt Lynette and Uncle Shawn; Doug, Pam, Elyse and Tiffany; Katie, Clay and their Mom; all of Mom's coworkers; Bunny &Terry Greening (Kallie's parents); Darryl Butler; Peggy Fennemore; Greg; Jason; Carter; Kayla; Lindsay; Susan; and several other girls whom I cannot remember their names.  Morgan came and brought flowers to you on Wednesday night since she had to go home to Bonavista on Thursday.  I am sure that there were also very many more people who came to visit as well.  After Greg and the gang visited with you, they also came to visit us and it helped me and your Mom a little.

I remember all 15 of your birthdays with a smile since I know how much you looked forward to them. This year would have been really special to you since it meant you would have been able to get your beginner's permit.  I couldn't wait to have you drive me around for a change (LOL).

Sixteen years ago I was working at the University and got a call that you and your Mom were wheeled into the delivery room. Let me tell you, I wasn't long getting to the hospital where I found out that there were some complications - especially since you were almost two months premature.  My worry quickly changed to joy when I saw the tiny miracle, my son, who was making quite a commotion and who I knew would be healthy.  I guess you had too many plans to wait the prescribed 9-months before you arrived.

My heart aches from missing you and I have an ever-present emptiness that will never be filled.  I only hope you are happy where you are now to and I am sure you have made many more new friends - you were always like that.....you could make a friend in an empty room.  I cannot put into words how much I miss you and long to see you one more time.....there are so many things I would like to say and do.

Matthew, there are people who live an entire lifetime who do not make half the impression as you did towards others.  You were so good to us, your friends and total strangers that I burst with pride when I think of these things.  I hope that your website will let others realize how wonderful you were and how your passing has devastated and hurt not only us but so many people.  You should be proud of all the things you accomplished in you short life......they were many and rewarding.

I am trying to be strong for you and your Mom, but it is so hard to do it.  I can only hope you send me strength from above so I can continue to keep your memory alive for all to see and in your memory to help others.

I have included a great photo of us in Florida, which is one of my favorites.....just like the two of us......hamming it up for the camera!

With all my love.....Dad

The following message was written to Matthew by Poppy Brett.....

Matthew, I am speaking to you as if you were here by my side. Perhaps you are. We will, all of us, only know when our lives come to an end through sickness, age related, or oh so tragically and sudden as your precious life ended.

You know, Matthew, how much your mom and dad are hurting and feeling such pain and emptiness and loneliness without you. Missing you is constant through the day, every day.

Memories of you are so important, so pleasant, so emotional, and yet the ache in my heart is so powerful.

I remember when as a little baby you would 'talk' to me on the phone and say 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' 'pop'

Later on you used to 'show' me one of your dinkys over the phone and say 'see poppy?' because you thought that I could see it. You loved sitting in the laundry basket and I would pull you around and you would laugh so hard. Then you would take an empty candy tin and bang it on the coffee table and your big bright eyes would blink with every bang. I remember going to the park with you and your mom and I would push you on the swing, turn around, and you would push poppy's bum with your feet and you would laugh so hard. You know that I attended most, if not all, of your school plays and closing ceremonies in primary/elementary school and loved seeing you doing your part on stage. You know that I was with you many, many, times and watched you swimming, play organized ball, play organized hockey, at karate lessons, play the drums, and as you know, Matthew, Poppy Brett loved each and every minute and got a lot of pleasure from seeing you involved and also seeing the obvious pleasure that you got from participating in these activities.

I remember when you told me that you were glad that your mom insisted that you continue your Bronze Medallion/ Senior Resuscitation training. You had told your mom that there were a lot of other things you wanted to do that summer.

When poppy Brett lived in your apartment and you came to visit, or to get a piece of string, or a battery, or whatever, or to watch a bit of a hockey game or a baseball game with me, you would ALWAYS give me a big hug around my neck and a kiss on the side of my head when you were leaving to go. I would always say 'I love you Matthew' and you would always say 'love you too pop'. And you gave me a hug and a kiss even when friends were with you; it came natural to you. And I loved that of you.

You often encouraged me to take a shot on you in net while you and your buddies played hockey in your driveway and, even though my shot either missed the net or hit you on the goalie pads, you would say 'good shot pop'.

I remember going to lunch with you many times. I remember, in particular, when I used to pick you up from your Lifesaving training, one day when you had to return for sit-down classroom training after lunch. You suggested we have lunch at Subway and then gave your choice of fillings at the sandwich counter for the most nutritious sandwich I've ever seen. You polished it off with delight. It remided me of your school-leaving ceremonies at Beachy Cove Elementary when you were singled out as a student who ate very nutritously because you ordered green salads from the school cafeteria so often.

One day between morning and afternoon Lifesaving sessions we went to visit your cousin Meaghan (Pugh). We took some pictures and it is one of those picture while you were holding Meaghan that is now the home-page picture of you on the beautiful website that your mom and dad have so lovingly established in your precious memory.

Matthew, you came with me a few times to see your cousin, Adam (Squires) play organized soccer. You enjoyed that Jake (squires) started playing organized soccer this summer. Their young brother Thomas is still too young to play, as you know. Their parents, Uncle Dann and Nancy and Aunt Daina and Ron will always keep your precious memory alive for their children.

We are all filled with sorrow, Matthew, because we no longer have you to share with us your laughter, your contagious smile, your compassion, your love for family and friends, your kind and loving nature. But oh how we remember.

God bless you Matthew Rodney Churchill; God bless your mom and dad. God bless us all, each and every one of us.
 

We love you Matthew with all our hearts and souls.
 

You were born 16 years ago today.

'I love you Matthew',
Poppy Brett