The evening of March 28 will always be scorched into our
memory as an unspeakable tragedy for our family as a result
of a hit-and-run driver. On that night, three people died -
Matthew, and us, his parents, Rod and Desma; the only
difference is that Matthew is now no longer of this world.
At 7:10 p.m., Matthew and his best friend left our house to
walk down Bauline Line to meet up with several other friends
who were waiting for them. As they were leaving the house, I
gave my usual speech: "Matt got your cellphone?" and "I'll
give you a drive, because you don't know who's out driving."
The reply, of course, was that of a typical 15-year-old:
"Mom, don't be so foolish!"
My response was, "Some day you'll be telling your children
the same thing!"
And, with that, off they went - my last happy memory of my
only child.
About 15 minutes later, I received an urgent call from one
of Matthew's friends: "Please hurry, Matthew has been hit by
a car."
A thousand different things ran through my mind all at once
and my body felt as if I had just received an electric
shock. As I ran from the house, I told myself, "Everything
is OK. Maybe just a broken arm or leg." The commotion that
met our arrival was surreal, as both police and volunteer
firefighters prevented us from going to Matthew lying prone
on the ground where several emergency technicians were
working on him. |
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Matthew Churchill with
his six-string
lead guitar - a Gibson
Epiphone |
The ambulance arrived and he was loaded aboard, with us
following close behind, driven by a family friend.
At this point we are still hoping for the best. "Only minor
injuries," we keep saying.
As a team of doctors and nurses approaches us within a
half-hour of arriving at the hospital, we are still thinking
that he will be OK, and that maybe he is only unconscious.
An hour later, the doctor approaches to tell us that they
are still working on him and that they have inserted a tube.
At this point we are still hopeful, since he is young and
strong.
The last time the doctor approaches, our world is turned
upside down just by seeing the expression on her face and
the tears in her eyes.
Our world as we knew it had ended. |
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The first week was a blur of emotions - loneliness, grief,
anger, sadness, despair, numbness, shock and denial - many
times occurring all at once. Only the love of our families
and each other, as well as the support of innumerable
friends, relatives, acquaintances and complete strangers has
helped us survive a week that no parent should ever
experience.
Our second week without Matthew was unbearable. As I dress
in the mornings, it feels like I have just finished a
marathon 10 times over. Walking past his empty bedroom
brings wave after wave of sorrow. Simple everyday tasks have
become painful challenges, since no matter what we do, where
we look or go, what we see on TV or hear on the radio, every
one of these things jolts us back to memories of happier
times with Matthew. |
Something as innocent as looking at an unopened container of
milk in the refrigerator brings tears to our eyes, since it
was Matthew's favourite drink. We even had to leave Chapters
book store today because the first magazine we saw was his
favourite guitar magazine. ... The sound of the school bus
in the morning and seeing the bus in the afternoon and
knowing that Matthew should be on that bus makes my empty
heart sink further.
The sound of laughter from the next room as he chatted on
MSN or watched a funny show, which once made me laugh
inside, is no more. Seeing that beautiful smile that would
make my day better is now a remembered vision. The kiss on
the cheek that once sent wonderful tingles to the bottom of
my toes every time is now a tremble through my body when I
imagine it. Things such as this make our day-to-day
existence terribly painful, because we know that Matthew is
gone.
Our third week without Matthew is even more difficult, as
the shock drains from my body and other emotions have
invaded. An overpowering feeling of missing him is
excruciating torture of the heart and mind. Grief
counsellors, family and friends remind us that time will
heal our hearts. This we cling to.
As parents, we had an extremely close and loving
relationship with Matthew and we did everything together -
nightly homework assignments, movies and hockey on the
weekends, evenings when Matthew would request his nightly
foot massage while watching TV, playing Crazy 8s before bed,
"twacking" around - going from mall to mall, with a must
stop at Sport Chek, listening to his latest musical conquest
- a song he learned to played by ear, were just some of the
activities we shared. Ironically, the last song he learned
to play on his guitar - Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven - was
played in tribute at his funeral.
We thank God for all the beautiful and precious memories we
have from our short time with him. We existed to protect,
nurture and love him. I'm thankful for every minute that I
kissed him and said, "Mom loves you" every night.
Matthew spent a lot of time with us but his circle of
friends was incredibly large and loving. He had several best
friends as well as a large circle of good friends. These
were the kids he spent most of his free time with when he
wasn't with us. These were the kids that he went to school
with at Leary's Brook junior high and who spent a lot of
time at each other's houses. This group of kids is amazing;
they are a group of kids who now mourn for one of their own.
The amount of grief and anguish that these 14- and
15-year-old children have experienced almost rivals ours.
Their love and support have helped us to try to live our
lives without our only child.
Matthew also loved hockey and had another large circle of
friends at the rink. He was proud of his hockey because this
season was his first year playing in the midget division. He
loved the game of hockey with a passion so fierce that there
were many times he couldn't even tell you the score of the
game right after it was over; he played for the fun of it
and not for winning. Matthew played and his dad coached. He
didn't care if he had to stay at the rink for five or six
hours on a Saturday, because he was there with his friends
and his dad.
His friendly nature and approachable personality were held
in high regard, not only by his teammates but also by
players and coaches from other teams. His popularity was
evident by the three midget hockey teams that provided the
guard of honour at his funeral.
Matthew displayed kindness, gentleness and compassion, by
saving his recyclables to buy gifts for the Happy Tree,
wanting to donate his money to the Red Cross after the
recent tsunami, giving his money to friends to get them into
a movie, or just being a buddy. By sharing his lunch with
friends at school who didn't bring a lunch, or worrying
about his Nanny Bernice being at home alone while Poppy Alf
was away working, and by calling her on the phone many times
a night to check on her. By almost fainting at the hospital
when he saw his Poppy Brett in so much pain after knee
surgery. All of these things showed his compassionate
nature.
His cousins Adam, Jake, Thomas, Meaghan, Adrianna and Devan
are younger, and thought there was no better person on Earth
than Matthew. He was just simply the best in their eyes.
Just last month, he had written a letter to Premier Danny
Williams and the school board to voice his concern with
regards to overcrowding at Leary's Brook junior high. In his
short life, Matthew touched many people's hearts and souls.
In his short life, he accomplished so much:
Completed the bronze medallion and senior resuscitation
certifications from the Lifesaving Society for Lifeguarding.
Completed high brown belt level in taekwondo and had only
two more levels to complete to reach his black belt.
Was awarded the gold medal in the Atom B house league
championships during the 2000-01 season.
Was awarded the bronze medal in the Bantam house league
championships during the 2003-04 season.
During the 2004 provincial championships, he received the
Neil Maynard Award for most dedicated player at Bantam
level.
Enjoyed playing the drums and had taken drum lessons.
Took pleasure in playing golf and golf lessons.
His latest accomplishment was playing his new six-string
lead guitar - a Gibson Epiphone.
Was proud that he was able to master the flying squirrel on
his snowboard and could perform ollies on his skateboard.
Most importantly, he had the beautiful gift of lifting
spirits and helping his friends through troubled times, just
by listening, talking, making people laugh or showing his
beautiful smile.
We wish all the love and strength to Matthew's close friends
Gregory, Morgan, Jason, Carter, Stephen, Ryan, Ben, Justin,
Susan, Jess, Chris, Kayla, Justin, Chad, Will, Brendan,
Rebecca and many, many more.
The teachers and staff at Leary's Brook junior high have
been supportive of Matthew's friends, which is so important
to us. The display case and the Celebration of Matthew's
Life Assembly at the school was a beautiful tribute to his
life. The three songs you sang - Tears in Heaven, Lean On
Me, and I Will Remember You - were beautiful and touching.
The mural painting on the gym wall is an exceptional
dedication. The stories and poems read by his friends were
helpful in our healing.
A hit-and-run driver destroyed our lives. I could say so
much here, but for today I'll keep my faith in God and our
justice system. This individual took the life of our most
important creation - our son, Matthew.
Matthew's parents, Desma
and Rod Churchill, say they wrote this letter as a means of
taking a small step towards healing.
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